A friend of mine was sexually assaulted out to dinner with a professor. When she told her story to her adviser, a dear friend of ours, she told him she wore a turtleneck and long pants and described her outfit. He cut her off and told her, “I don’t care if you were wearing a fucking bikini—nobody has the right to touch you.”
I think that was the first time in the whole process of talking to cops and administrators about what happened where someone actually told her it wasn’t her fault.
They make it about the clothes, the situation—“Why did you agree to dinner? Why didn’t you take your own car? Did you lead him on? For once, someone made it about her and her rights. I think this helped her most of all in the process. Everyone needs to respond like this to survivors, in my opinion.
I’m so sorry about your friend, OP. Props to her advisor (and you!) for being supportive and understanding what rape culture means—and saying “fuck this shit, NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO TOUCH YOU.”
“I recently learned that white, heterosexual men, living in affluent Western societies, are the most oppressed and discriminated against people in the world. Which is shocking - I had no idea this was the case. But thanks to the blogs and websites that make up “the manosphere,” I’ve found that I’m living under the jackboots of a misandrist gynocracy, without even being aware of it.”
Yesterday my little sister came home from school and reported that she had seen an upperclassman sit in the crowded cafeteria for a full half hour with his shirt off. He just took off his shirt, slung it over the back of his chair, and sat down to a leisurely lunch in a cafeteria full of both teachers and students. After half an hour a teacher approached him and told him to put his shirt on. He put it on but left it 100% unbuttoned, so he was still just as exposed.
Meanwhile the middle school has banned yoga pants and leggings, and my little sister gets in trouble if her bra strap slips off her shoulder and can be seen below the sleeve of her t-shirt for a minute before she fixes it.
So don’t fuckin tell me dress codes aren’t inherently sexist. They’re sexist policies, and they’re enforced in sexist ways.
Ha. From McCormack to Boothby to Fantino to Blair, nothing ever changes, no matter who the martinet on top is. A dysfunctional, militaristic, quasi-fascist organization with a culture designed to avoid accountability and protect the assholes in its midst while their buddies go blind, deaf and dumb.